fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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