If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
