I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
