Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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