Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
