he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
