I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
