Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
