im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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