Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
