you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
