Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize