My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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