He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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