would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
