you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
