The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
