She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
