I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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