and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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