Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
