my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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