would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
