My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
