just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize