Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
