Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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