how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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