if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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