I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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