Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
