I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
