you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
