Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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