Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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