hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
