Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize