Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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