you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
