I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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