I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
