Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
