she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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