i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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