You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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