I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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