walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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