you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
