areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want to fling myself into the sun
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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