Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
