I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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