Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
