You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
