turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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