dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
