She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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