I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
