I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
