Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
