he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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