i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
