i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
