If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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