If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
