I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
