Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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