i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Found the puke drawer
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
