Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
