$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
