They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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