so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
