Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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