Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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